Family Time: This Is Rock Band

Saturday night the Modesto Rockers gathered around their instruments in the temple of sound that their living room became at such times. Emerald, 30, sat down behind the Ion drumset with the Xbrain, wearing pink athletic shorts and a white t-shirt, a red Chuck Taylor on her left foot, its twin sitting forlorn, hightop wilted, to the side—she needs that foot bare for the base pedal. Her brother Skippy, 27, the Horned Lord of guitar caressed his Fender controller, stroking the whammy bar, and Jasper, 16, picked up the Mad Catz Bass and rolls his fingers back and forth over the fret buttons, cracking his knuckles and shaking his strumming hand to the side. Malachi Jones, 40, rinsed his hands after putting a couple of pizzas in the oven and walks around the corner, wiping his hands on the black wife-beater that left his tattooed arms bare even in the cold room, he knew from experience that singing is hot work, and pulled the microphone stand out from behind the couch. He set it by the door to the hall to the left of his usual singing position—behind Emerald. Then he plugs the mic into the magic box and turns on the power. Cuddly Panda, 10, is played roadie at that gig, so she was busy filling drink orders for Pepsi, water and coffee.

The projector came on, and the enormous screen in front of which they prayed lights up white, then blue, and then with the intro movie of Rock Band II. This amazing animated footage shows two bands riding on the roofs of their muscle cars and battling it out over Cheap Trick's “Hello There.” That quickly gives way to one log-in after another, followed by the Continue Tour selection, and the family that rocks together was off to Spain to shut down Madrid's hottest clubs on their way to Shanghai and the Endless setlist II. Ranked around one-hundred in the Rock Band II Live Leaderboards Modesto truly rocks with over four hundred million fans worldwide.

Their Avatars came out on the screen in front of them, Malachi wears a black on black Blues Brothers outfit for this gig, Emerald's hair and clothes are all shades of green, and Skippy is onstage in bright blue underwear, a blue hockey mask, blue deerhead helmet, and tattoos. Jasper's looks like a purple caped Marrilyn Manson, and the Panda was not onstage, but flitted around in the background wearing a red and white cheerleaders uniform and yelling things like, “You rock Mom!

The first set of the night contained some of their strongest songs, Bad Company's “Shooting Star,” Garbage's “I Think I'm Paranoid,” “Blitzkrieg Bop” by The Ramones, and The Offspring's “Come out and Play,” on each tune at least two bandmembers hit 100% of the notes and the band manages to achieve five gold stars on each song, maxing out the set and driving the crowd wild. Malachi bounces up and down on the Balls of his feet, growling and shrieking into the microphone while Emerald beats the drums and sweats, tossing the hair out of her eyes every few seconds, so it looks like she's banging her head to the music. The two guitarists play sitting down, but their avatars more than make up for the players sloth, taking center stage during solos and leaping about the rest of the time, the Blue Skippy even smashes his guitar at the end of the set.

After Spain, they stepped out of the temple to eat pepperoni pizza dipped in ranch dressing and washed down with more Pepsi. Then the adults went outside to smoke cigarettes and discuss whether they should move on to Paris or London, while Jasper and Cuddly eat ice cream at the kitchen table. Panda thinks they should go to Paris because it is the Fashion mecca of the world, but she is outvoted by people who actually have to play, and the Modesto Rockers are off to do London—where Black Sabbath, The Police, the Clash, and The Who rule the setlists.

Before heading for London, salary negotiations are entered into with Cuddly Panda, the ten-year-old roady. In exchange for an extra scoop of Rocky Road, she agrees to change into pajamas and gave hugs and kisses around the room. This is endearing to the adults, but brought a sneer and a grimace from the teenaged Jasper—he gives her a hug and wishes her goodnight nonetheless, rudeness is not tolerated towards family members here and could result in his expulsion from the band. Then she is off to never-never-land in Tinkerbell sleeping gear as the rest of them hear London calling and busy themselves again with their instruments.

Sometimes life is good, this is the Modesto Rockers second time around the world, and it is only ten o'clock. Hell, we might finish the European tour by closing time here at the House That Rocks.

P.S. This is the band that has a billion fans on the leaderboard, and was ranked #22 out of a hundred thousand at one point. We have been playing with other bands since because we can't get more fans with Modesto Rockers.